If I thought it was difficult to enjoy certain aspects of various holidays before, I really think so now. Knowing that this will probably be my last Christmas season with my mom, as she isn’t doing well, I am having a difficult time.
I’m of course grateful for every day with her, for every extra moment, and have been hoping she would live for Christmas. On the other hand, I am not that great at “living in the moment” while under this kind of stress. I am already grieving, as is she. I have learned throughout the past months that we are not unrealistically optimistic people, and that we are the type to sit around and cry while others would be out doing those last fun things like skydiving or whatever.
As a holiday bonus, this year has stripped us financially of any extra things like holiday shopping etc. My mom injured her foot (sprained an ankle and broke a bone in the side of her left foot) and is now in a wheelchair. She therefore hasn’t been able to do the few things she had hoped to do such as buy a small Christmas gift for me with what little money she could spare to do so. (I’m not disappointed about this as I don’t care about presents, but she was disappointed.) She is in so much pain at the moment that all energy is reserved for getting to her next doctor appointment without injuring any further parts. And I can’t leave her home alone. I bought us a few VERY cheap things online only because I received an Amazon gift card for my birthday.
We were able to laugh about how at least neither of us had to brave the holiday shopping crowd. So there is a silver lining to everything, I guess.