aspified

a blog by an autistic adult

Motivating myself to get things done lately has kinda been a problem.

I don’t actually feel like doing anything, and forcing myself to try to function has felt like a huge chore for more than a year now.

What little energy I have at all comes in spurts so unpredictable that I have trouble figuring out which pressing chore to do first before my energy is drained again.

I feel like I’m devoting too much energy to social media. But that’s where my friends are, and it’s the only place I have anything close to a support system. But being on Facebook too much ultimately leaves me overstimulated and angry by halfway through the day.

Finding balance is kind of a problem for me.

I’m either super into a thing or I’m not. And when I’m not, I don’t seem to have any attention span anymore. I can’t seem to focus on things I used to enjoy.

I’ve been trying hard to cut as much stress as possible out of my life to focus on the things I have to do to survive. But I feel like my tolerance to stress gets lower and lower all the time.

I know a lot of other people feel this way too. I know most of our lives are way too hard. I know most of us don’t have the support we need. I just don’t know what to do about it.

3 Comments

  1. I have noticed this phenomenon a lot more as I get older, too. I was only just diagnosed last year (aged 48) and I can totally relate. Cutting out the stress, especially when you are someone’s sole caregiver, can be really difficult. I have a son on the spectrum, and help care for my husband who is ill but able to still work, as well as my mother-in-law and brother-in-law. I also work full time, with a few small part-time things on most weekends. AND I drive six hours round-trip to see my grandma who is in a nursing home on the few Sundays I have free. I absolutely understand your lack of motivation. I do have it worked out with my husband to have exercise/down time for about a half hour (more if I’m really lucky) daily, but that’s about it. I find it hard enough to relax when I do have down time, with my mind constantly going. I feel like a hamster on a wheel and often wonder how long I can continue to go like this before the Aspie burnout that finally knocks me down hard enough to have to take time off work and rest. I get a lot of compliments on all the things I’m able to keep up with, but to me it doesn’t feel like a compliment to run yourself ragged and be in a constant state of stress! Take as many breaks as you can – even the 10-minute breaks can really help you recharge. Hugs!

    • I feel you. People will make all kinds of comments to me too about how they’re so impressed I can handle it all. But like…what other choice do we have? lol

      I appreciate the short breaks, but like you my mind never stops. Having anxiety and my constant obsessive worrying is kind of a problem too :-\

      Hugs to you. This life is tough. :-(

      • Do you see a therapist? I started going to my son’s this year – the same guy that diagnosed me. He is awesome! With my husband’s health issues I won’t be able to go much longer, but he deals with autistics all the time. He has helped me realize that while I may not be able to do much about my anxiety or the burdens placed on me, that I can remember how awesome I am for getting through this life without a lot of help until this point. Especially since I was diagnosed late and didn’t ever understand what was “wrong” with me. Just knowing I have that strength helps a little. When I feel like I can’t get things done, I just try to keep a list of what I need to do and prioritize whenever I feel a burst of energy. The rest of the time (when I can) I try to squeeze in little breaks just to put myself in a frame of mind that I feel when I’m engaged in my special interests. This does help a little even at work. I can let my mind wander to my special interests for two or three minutes, and no one even knows I’ve left! LOL It’s kind of like a mini-vacation that gets me past the “hump” for a little while. Since our minds never seem to stop, my therapist reminds me that it’s ridiculous to tell an Aspie to “relax”! It’s more a matter of trying to take life in little chunks, and realize that even though we feel like we have to do it ALL, other people take breaks too and we shouldn’t feel bad when we’re only capable of doing what we CAN. The dusting isn’t an emergency. The shopping can maybe wait another day. And since we’re so good at planning and love to make lists, this prioritizing can really be used to our advantage. I keep a list at home of things like dusting, washing the dog – stuff like that – and then when I have more energy I tackle one of those. The HAVE-TO’s I can’t help, but the rest can wait. It’s maddening sometimes, as I feel like I’m letting stuff slide, but it works for me. And no one at home has ever said anything about the dusting – they don’t even notice it when I do it. If they can’t tell, why should I make it a priority? LOL In a hundred years, who’s going to remember that I always had a dusted house? LOL

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