aspified

a blog by an autistic adult

So, you want to help me…

Humans confuse me.

People want to feel like they’re helping, but they don’t want to actually help.

They want to ask everyone but you what you should need, and then get defensive and abusive when their brand of help actually makes your life harder.

If you want to know what someone needs, ask them. If they can communicate what they need, do what they need you to do.

Respect that the answer may be “I need you to get out of my space.”

If all you can do is not make their life worse, then do that.

Being a decent human is not that complicated.

Helping other people is not about you. If you’re making it about you, maybe work on why that is.

4 Comments

  1. My mother is this way. She takes pleasure out of having emotional, financial, and physical power. I currently live with her. I don’t have a choice. I don’t trust her. I have my reasons for, she has proven many times to be untrustworthy. I have dealt with her emotional manipulation for years. She favors my siblings. For some reason they are more special. I don’t know why it is, I have stopped trying to wonder. She doesn’t help me. She claims to be a supportive mother publicly. But in private she has made direct efforts to cause me grief and belittle me. Religion is often used as a weapon. I don’t trust religion. I believe if a God exists religion doesn’t matter. I think she wishes I was a different brand of “crazy”. My brother is a drug addict with schizophrenia and he needs her. My sister is neurotic and is spoiled. I work hard. I study to educate myself. But it’s never been fast enough. Nothing is ever good enough if you have aspergers. She probably thinks if I’m so smart why can’t I support myself financially or why haven’t I finished a degree like other people my age. I am trying. I lost my people skills recently. I am afraid of going out especially at night time. I spend a lot of time alone. I’m afraid of being bullied. I was bullied at my last job and I think it’s because I’m different. I can’t just have a “normal” conversation. I have to go through every detail. I think people find that annoying or like I’m trying to hard to be smart or something. But that’s just how I talk. I don’t know what the requirements are for a conversation with Neurotypicals. Can try to relate and make new friends but I don’t always succeed and I have experienced a lot of good and bad interactions. The bad ones sometimes paralyze me. I feel like people laugh at me and I’m embarrassed by my disorder. It’s also hard to get work if you don’t have the connections. I love my job, but maybe I’m boring, weird, offputting, rude yet I’m not trying to be.

    • I can relate to so much of this. <3

    • How do you feel about your self when you are alone?
      Do you feel you need help or to be taken care of? Or do you feel free and happy alone?

      I use to live with my parents but i turn 33 and decided to move out.
      I whent to live with a friend who is an alpha man, I came here with the purpuse of learning how to be an alpha.

      After a year I have a little more confidence but I still feel alone some times. I prefere to be alone but I want to have someone to tell my story you know.

      Sorry if:
      this is offtopic. ^_^
      If I have gramar errors english is not my first lenguage.
      If I misspell a word or had a typo Im using my phone.

      • I like being alone. I think being alone is better than being with people. Other people require you to complete them in some way. They need to do things that are comfortable. Being alone is far more liberating to me. I don’t have to answer to anyone, I don’t have to be this way or that, I can simply be. I’d much rather “live in my own head” then have to deal with everyone else’s opinions, feelings, and neuroses.

        After being the family dumping ground for “problems” I decided I’m kinda done with all that, and I’ll just take care of myself. If they think I’m selfish they can shove it. My family is a bunch of self centered jerks that attack me for my atheist viewpoints, and call the police on me if I am not “behaving or obeying”, at least according to their bible bashing guidelines. I am a competent grown woman and will not be subjected to their abuse anymore.

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